Thursday, February 23, 2017

My River Trip

Hi guys and welcome back to another blog. It is 2017!!!! Today I am going to share with you my River trip story. I hope you enjoy. Here it is:
WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader
  • begins in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • some short, sharp sentences; mixed with some longer ones
  • strong verbs
  • uses the senses (look, feel, hear, taste, smell)
  • language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
  • show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)

I slowly and scaredly walk into the shallow,freezing cold river. My goosebump covered legs shiver as I slowly kneel down onto my knees. I see a tiny little goldfish swim straight past my legs. I can hear all of my cousins screaming and laughing. I see a huge mossy rock next to where my cousins are swimming. I swim over to the huge rock faster than a cheetah.

I climb onto the humongous moss covered rock. The huge green rock is super slippery, I put my foot closer to the top and then… Slip. I have fallen back into the river. Lucky I have fallen into the deep part. Lots of tiny, shiny little goldfish swim past me as I struggle to stand up. I try to catch a beautiful little fish but it swims away before I can even touch it.

My biggest cousin Julie sees a little ledge on a small cliff that we can jump off. We all swim over to the ledge and Julie climbs up. The water is WAY to shallow to jump into. It is only up to my knees.”Julie, it is only up to my knees you can't jump from there, you will hurt yourself” I shout”.”That suck’s” Julie says as she carefully climbs down the steep ledge. We are walking back to the deep part to have a water fight and splash.I am having a fantastic time at the river. The river is my favorite place ever.

Well that is my river trip writing. I hope you enjoyed it. I certainly enjoyed writing it. And being at the river. Once again I hope you enjoyed. Make sure to check out my other blogs. And I will see you next time...


  1. I love how you enjoyed writing this, Kaydence. It certainly comes through in your exciting writing. You have captured your moment very well for the reader.

  2. Wow kaydence what an amazing story i loved the way you described the freezing cold water and how yuo got a big shiver up your spine well done :)

  3. Kaydence amazing writing your great at writing good words

  4. Kaydence this is an outstanding piece of writing. You have written it to a high standard and I can see that you have tried your hardest.
    Keep up the great work. :)